


Old Habits

by gearinmyheart



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/F, How Do I Tag, How do I england, M/M, Tags Are Hard, what do i put here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 11:42:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gearinmyheart/pseuds/gearinmyheart
Summary: Josh lives a pretty quiet, secluded life, watching people pass him by and occasionally talking to people that aren't Brendon. However when he makes some new friends, he suddenly wants to be a part of everything around him again.---Guess who abandoned the other one. Whoops





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the format. Also, I know this is really short and not really interesting but Chapter two is so much better I just need to write it and post it. Bare with me here.

Josh loved taking the train. He loved watching the eclectic people around him, wondering if they feel the same way as him. They probably didn’t think the way he thought, probably using an analogy from their own life to describe themselves, maybe stars or vines or pretty flowers. Everyone around him had a different story and he wanted to know them all, he wanted to know about the old man that sat at the end, looking out the window and dreaming of something Josh could only imagine was pretty. And the young girl that always sat next to him, her son ranting and raving about his hair, throwing questions in every direction about “is it real” and “how did you get it like that”, always making him laugh and come up with wildly incorrect answers. He always treasured the light smile on her face as he talked to the small boy, telling him what’s rude to ask but Josh just looking past it and answering anyway. If it were possible, he would spend all of eternity on that one train with all these people he saw so often and knew so much about.  
Today, the young boy and his mother weren’t on the train and Josh didn’t quite know what to do with himself. His fingers tapping against his knees as he watched the people around him mingle with each other or exclude themselves all together. Those kinds of people were the most interesting, what makes them exclude themselves? Do they just not like people or are they too awkward. It was questions like these that made Josh smile, not because he didn’t know the answer, but he didn’t feel the undying need to answer them. He wouldn’t want anyone else to answer questions about him, so he didn’t answer questions about them.  
The soft sound of his ring tone made a few people turn towards him, making him pull it out faster than he thought possible and answer it, pressing the warm metal to his ear and quietly talking into the bottom.  
“Hello?” He said, his warm breath branching out onto his fingers that were wrapped strongly around his phone.  
“Yo, Josh my man,” Brendon’s heavy voice echoed through his ears as he looked out at the setting sun. He was obviously drunk, and at about 5:30pm. That’s probably a new record, “How’s it going?”  
“Brendon, it’s 5:30 in the evening,” Josh sighed and rested the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb, “How are you drunk already?” Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if Brendon was just always drunk and knew how to hide it.  
“I’m disappointed in you Josh,” Brendon’s words slid out of his mouth, falling to Josh’s ear in a mess of strange syllables only, really, Josh can understand, “I thought you knew me better.”  
“What do you want B,” Josh got easily frustrated with drunk Brendon, especially when he told him things like that with no context.  
“Josh,” Brendon’s drunk slurs twisted into serious slurs, still messily thrown together, but serious nonetheless, “Where are you?”  
“On the train,” Josh said simply and looked around at the people around him, some watching him with trained eyes and others just simply not giving a damn. He tried to keep his voice quiet and to himself as he talked, ducking his head and running his fingers through his deep red curls.  
“Not for long, you’re coming to get me,” Brendon fell against something, the noise of chairs being pushed around making Josh cringe at the thought of having to go get his best friend from a bar. That’s the only thing he really hated doing for Brendon.  
“ _Look man, I just want to go home_ ,” A soft voice came quietly through the phone on accident, sounding very tired and done with Brendon’s bullshit already. Maybe he had been there longer than Josh anticipated.  
“Brendon?” Josh said , standing on the train and stepping carefully over to the doors as the world around them began to slow. After a quiet yes was mumbled, Josh sighed and pulled the phone away from his ear, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before going to talk to Brendon again, “Who else is with you? Put them on the phone.”  
“Nooo,” Brendon whispered quickly, “You’re not allowed to, you need to be protected,” He said and Josh began getting more and more frustrated with drunk Brendon, often closing his eyes or focusing on the now dark sky as the doors of the train opened and he and the people around him threw him out with them.  
“Brendon put them on the phone, or you can sleep on the curb,” Josh stated sternly, almost falling as he quickly ran down the stairs to where his car sat soundly. It had only been there a day and there were already drawings in the condensation of his windows.  
Brendon gasped dramatically, “You wouldn’t dare,” He cried, his breathing becoming that of an asthmatic who didn’t know what happens in drama class. But he would, and he has.  
“Try me,” Josh said and unlocked his car, the warmth of the leather interior making him moan and almost drop his phone next to him on the seat, like he normally did when he drove. Instead, he turned the key in the ignition slightly and let the air conditioning flow over his cold face, closing his eyes once again and resting his head against the headrest.  
Brendon made a series of incoherent mumbles, probably about how Josh didn’t love him anymore, even though that wasn’t true, before shuffling his phone about until the line finally went quiet.  
“Man, I just want to go home,” A new, quiet voice talked to Josh. He sounded as though he hadn’t slept in a week and Josh began making the mental note of what the man looked like, at the moment just a pair of dark, hollow eyes the colour of hot chocolate without milk.  
“I’m so sorry about him,” Josh managed to breathe a laugh through his teeth as the warm air breezed over him, “He has some….issues. We’re meant to be working on it, but he’s a bit difficult.”  
“You’re telling me, he’s been sitting here for about three hours, singing and drinking bourboun,” The voice laughed, the tiredness falling from his voice but soon coming back as he told Brendon off for something, “Anyway, when can you get here?”  
“Depends what bar he’s at,” He couldn’t help but laugh, remembering the whole map of bars he’s found Brendon at over the years, driving for even an hour to go get him.  
  
By the time Josh got to the bar, Brendon was passed out at the bench, his short black hair laying softly against his forearm. It was hard to miss him as Josh walked in the door and instantly breathed in the smell of old whiskey and perfume, both of which probably coming from Brendon. The guy behind the bar smiled and seemed to get who he was immediately, probably from the way he, once again, put the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb and let out a deep, embarrased sigh.  
“You must be the knight in shining armour,” He laughed, the frizzy brown hair on his head spreading in all directions, on anyone else it would’ve looked like he had just escaped a mental institute. However, the light brown beard complimented his hair and he looked like somewhat of a professional, despite working behind a bar for a living.  
“That would be me,” Josh laughed and walked over to Brendon on the counter, whose breathing was only just beginning to even out. He gently nudged his best friend’s shoulder and whispered his name right in his ear, but to no avail, “I don’t know why I even try any more,” He said, making the bartender laugh as he sat with his back against the back shelf, almost knocking over a bottle of vodka but watching anyway as josh walked back outside into the freezing air.  
The bartender jumped up from the counter and looked between the door and Brendon, thinking about how he couldn’t deal with this drunk man either. He wouldn’t fit in the tiny little apartment he shared with like five other guys. But, his nightmares faded as Josh came back, his face slightly pink from the cold dark weather outside, however he was holding what seemed to be a drum.  
“Gimme a sec,” Josh mumbled and knelt down under the bench, in front of Brendon so his face was right in front of the other man’s crotch. He ignored it and rested the drum on his knees, taking a deep breath before slamming his hands on it as hard as he could in the most beat-ey beat he could think of. Brendon fell backwards off the chair, his back landing directly on the hardwood floor. Thank the lord, the only other person in the room was the bartender as he almost fell over aswell, watching Josh’s red hair rise back up to normal height, drum in hand as he sighed down at the squirming Brendon on the ground.  
“You two should come in more often,” He said, laughing at the ground, his hands resting on his knees.  
“Joooosssshhhhhh,” Brendon groaned from the floor, reaching his hand out for Josh to take, only to be met with a cold stare and a motion to the drum in his hand. He grumbled as he got up, something about his back being sore, “Why don’t you love me anymore?” He whined and stood sadly, his head hanging low and his bottom lip coming out further than his top.  
“Brendon, get in the fucking car before I throw this at you,” Josh said, pointing to the door and raising his eyebrows like a stern parent.  
“This is abuse,” Brendon cried lowly as he sulked out the door and into the car, out of Josh’s way. He had been sober for so long and Josh began to wonder what threw him off the rails.  
“Thanks so much for taking tolerating him…” Josh drifted off, trying to remember if he had been told this guy’s name. He seemed to sense it and nodded.  
“Chris,” He said lightly, crossing his arm and leaning back on the shelf again.  
“Chris, thanks again, most bartender’s throw him to the curb,” Josh laughed and scratched the back of his neck, feeling slightly awkward for just mildly abusing his friend in front of him.  
“It’s no problem, a friend of mine used to be like that and it’s not a fun time,” He smiled and began turning the lights off, “But anyway, feel free to bring him back, you two are my new favourites,” He opened the door for them both once the lights were all off, letting Josh out first with a smile.  
“Thanks,” Josh smiled sweetly and walked over to where his car was parked, Brendon sitting sadly in the back seat.  
“See ya later,” Chris smiled and flipped the hood of his jacket up, walking away from an only slightly frustrated Josh and a very crying Brendon in the car.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back at 12am when they should be doing homework but no they're writing this piece of shit fanfic that none's going to read. This guy.  
> Anyway don't worry, they'll eventually meet but you just need to hold on and give me moment to get my shit together okay. It's all the formatting's fault for being such a little bitch. Everything about this fic is so incorrect I love it.

     Josh was never late to work. Everytime, he walked in the door just as the clock ticked over to 9:30, throwing his back pack in his locker and flipping the sign on the door at 10am on the dot. It was as though routine was the only thing holding him together at this point. In some ways it was. The only other things he could think of that were keeping him in check were the drums that weren’t his and Brendon.   
Allow me to elaborate, Josh was poor. As poor as you could get whilst still having a job and paying rent for an apartment you live in by yourself, even if you do pay late every once in awhile. And when he eventually found solace in drumming during high school, as well as playing some other instruments with friends, he began dreaming of big stages, lights worthy of seizures and road trips. But, due to the fact he is quite poor, he cannot access a drum kit of his own, thus he uses the one at the shop, sometimes as a demo for awaiting customers. His boss was real chill, saying as long as nothing broke and he kept sales up, he could do whatever.   
     “Josh are you late?” His boss, Joe, said in astonishment. His eyebrows raised and his mouth wide open in a smile. Josh didn’t like people mocking him.  
     “Sorry,” He spoke softly and quickly threw his bag in his locker, not even bothering to put a different shirt on, instead choosing to save time and let his arms show. Whenever he was late during high school or most of his childhood, he would get some form of punishment, even if it was just two or three minutes, “A friend of mine had me up real late.”  
     “Man, it’s fine,” Joe laughed and leaned on the counter, looking around the empty store that only got just enough customers to get by easily, “No one’s come in anyway. What’d they do? Steal a car? OH! Did they murder someone and ask you to help hide the body?”  
     “Dude, no,” Josh sighed and sat on the counter next to his boss, wondering why he was always so interested in his life, maybe he should be less mysterious to get him off his back.  
     “Damn man,” Joe crossed his arms and looked Josh up and down with fakely judging eyes, “Why you always got to be so mysterious?” His light green eyes looked at the shelf on the wall in front of them, the door being behind them.  
     “Why you gotta be so curious?” Josh smirked and leaned away from the counter, walking over to the drums and sitting himself down with two drumsticks in hand. The soft seat was beginning to get worn out, the leather starting to fade a little as he spent his thoughtless days playing. He was always a nervous person, despite the badass, kinda scary persona he presented with his clothes and strange speech. And as he started to panic that he would have to pay for a new seat, which wouldn’t cost much, it was as though his brain switched onto autopilot; his soul wandering behind his eyes as a new customer walked into the store.  
     “Hey,” Josh recognised the red and blue plaid shirt and fluffy brown hair immediately, the customer being the bartender from the previous night.  
     “Oh hey man, nice to see you again,” Chris smiled and walked over to the drums just as Josh began climbing off them, reaching out his hand for him to shake. His hand was calloused and tough just as Josh’s were.  
     “You too,” He smiled and let go of the other man’s hand, choosing not to notice Josh wipe it on his dark jeans.  
     “So what brings you here?” Josh set the drumsticks he held too tight down on the snare and turned to properly face Chris.  
     “Do you drum?” He asks excitedly, his face lighting up like New York.   
     “A little,” Josh shrugged and noticed Joe’s harsh face giving him the “you know you do you little shit” stare, just before leaving the room.  
     “Oh cool, so do I!” Chris’s entire face turned into one giant light bulb, ideas flowing through his skull and making Josh’s heart work a little harder.  
     “Sick,” Josh did his best to look excited as he felt a little uncomfortable. It’s not every day some random comes into your shop and it turns out you're pretty similar.  
     “You should come listen to my band one time,” He began to lose control over his excitement, his whole face getting brighter and brighter as he talked.  
     “I’m not really one for bunches of people,” Josh shrugged once again and Joe’s face continued pouring into his head, telling him he should do it, after all he does need to get out more.  
     “That’s cool,” Chris chills out, breathing in and out before speaking again, “Anyway, I need a new string for a ukulele, do you sell those?” He asked sheepishly and Josh laughed at the big tough drummer asked about a ukulele.  
     “Yeah, let me get you one,” They walked around the shop as Josh found a thin piece of nylon fit for a ukulele, “Right, do you know how to fit it? Cause I can do it here if you want, free of charge.”  
Chris thought for a moment and looked out the window, onto the cold Columbus street where people walked and cars drove past.  
     “Um gimme a sec, I’ll go ask him,” He quickly ran out the door, leaving a rather confused Josh standing at the counter with a ukulele string in his hand. And as time ticked by he began to think about why he would be in here when the person it was for was right outside. Maybe he was like Josh, maybe he was ashamed of his hobby, maybe he was just a douche. All of which were likely.  
     Josh was beginning to think Chris had left just as he walked back in the door, this time holding an old, battered, but well used ukulele. A thin band of white surrounding the edges and up the sides of the neck, leading up to where a string hung loose off the head. He smiled and turned it over in his hands as if it were a diamond worth more than the sun.  
     “It’s nice isn’t it,” Chris sighed and looked between Josh and the ukulele. To him it looked like a kid holding a Luke Skywalker action figure, but I’ve always imagined it was like a young boy wanting to know everything, willing to explore the entire universe just to prove to himself that he wasn’t alone.  
     “Yeah,” Josh breathed and began to loosen the screws on top until the loose, broken string fell out onto the bench. It was quick and easy to switch the strings normally, but this time he felt compelled to take the utmost care with the small instrument, without knowing why. He took his time and made sure he didn’t add anymore knicks or bumps to the already frail wood.  
     “Thanks man,” Chris held the ukulele as he payed, his hands never leaving their place on the neck as he stood back from the counter and reached out his hand, “Let me give you my cell and I’ll bring you a demo, see if you like us or not,” He smiled and wiggled his hand in the air in front of a slightly confused Josh who did as he was told anyway. I mean, he was all for supporting local bands.   
     “Sure,” He smiled and gently added a new contact into Chris’s phone, just as he clicked “add” a notification silently showed itself at the top, a small yet beautiful message.  
     T: Bring back my life line without damage please.  
     Josh laughed and handed Chris his phone back, pretending he hadn’t seen the small text at the top. But he watched as Chris quickly replied to the text with a smile on his face before texting Josh to make sure it was the right number.   
  
     Josh left work happier than normal that afternoon, the drive full of his favourite music and fingers tapping against the steering wheel. Although that never lasts when you have Brendon Urie as a best friend. His face buried into a pillow on Josh’s couch, soft sniffles sounding through the thin cotton. Josh sighed as he put his keys on the bench and quietly knelt down next to the crying, hungover man on his couch.  
     “Brendon,” He said quietly, placing his hand in his dirty black hair and grimacing at the grease that came off onto his fingertips, “I’m going to the supermarket, do you want anything?”  
     “Food and…” He sniffled and awkwardly threw his hand on top of Josh’s head, reminding him of a bet he lost a long time ago.   
  
     So, here he is. Trying to decide between hot pink and bright yellow. Brendon had said “the dumbest one” and Josh began to think of ways to lie and say the dumbest one was the red one. He liked his red hair.  
     The decision eating him up inside, he bought both. Whoops.  
     “You’re gonna look so cool man,” Brendon giggled over the box of hair dye in his hand before stuffing another bit of his sandwich into his mouth.   
As Brendon accidentally ingested hair dye due to his eating and mixing at the same time, Josh began to wonder about what threw his best friend off the rails.  
     “Hey B,” He asked quietly, his voice fading away behind the noise of the dying brush clattered around in the bowl.  
     “Yes?” Brendon drew out the word, glancing momentarily at Josh in the mirror, at the pale chest barely hidden by a towel with faded red marks on it from last time they did this.  
     “What happened?” Josh suddenly bled courage, essentially swapping with Brendon as his shells began to fall but built themselves up again.  
     “Sarah broke up with me,” He said quietly, making it noticeable he didn’t want to talk about it. Josh looked at his best friend as he began to brush bleach through already fading hair.  
     They remained quiet for a moment, one of them completely focused on not getting dye everywhere and the other thinking of doing something he never imagined himself doing.  
     “Hey B,” Josh repeated the same way as before.  
     “Yes?” It was as though their conversations were scripted, like there was only one way for the to begin.  
     “Do you want to go to a concert?” The hair on his head stopped being pulled and he met Brendon’s curious eyes in the mirror. You could say he wasn’t one for crowds.  
     “Since when do you?” Brendon asked quickly starting to sweep bleach through the last little bit of Josh’s hair.  
     “I don’t know,” He spun around on the small stool and peered up at Brendon, who was beginning to rinse out the plastic bowl in the sink, “But do you?”  
     “I mean yeah, sure,” Brendon was happy his friend was beginning to feel the need to be social, and he didn’t care the reason. Josh just needed to get out more.  
     “Okay,” Josh grabbed his phone off the counter and opened it, opening the message from Chris he still hadn’t opened and beginning to text rapidly.  
 **Josh** : Hey, when can I see this band of yours?  
     “Are you texting?!” Brendon mocked shock at Josh texting someone other than him and/or Joe.  
     “Piss off,” Josh laughed and rested his phone in his lap, waiting for a reply from his new friend.  
 **Chris** : tomorrow, tickets are @ the door and pretty cheap if youre thinking about coming  
 **Josh** : Yeah me and a friend will be there  
 **Chris** : cool  
 **Chris** : deets are on our website twentyonepilots.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who needs formatting or proof reading

The concert didn’t have many people, a few here and there that Josh recognised but didn’t know where from, maybe they had come into the shop a few times and he just couldn’t forget a face. That was probably (hopefully) it. A girl with short blonde hair and her friend were bouncing excitedly behind him Josh and Brendon, They clapped their hands together and just could not stop moving as lights dimmed and the concert started. There wasn’t much, just some awkward shuffling like the band was trying to be quiet but were failing miserably.  
“Who are these people again?” Brendon looked around, at the girls behind them and the crowd of eclectic people that surrounded them.  
“I have no idea,” Josh realised, but he smiled anyway, most likely because of the excitement that radiated off the two girls behind them who just could not stop giggling.  
A soft piano chord rang through the room and Josh felt as though he was sung awake by the quiet broken voice that followed, the lyrics so full of passion and pain that Josh strangely understood. He understood the metaphor and was completely immersed in the song as the lights came on and the song quickly became sporadic, a small boy running around the stage as if none of them were here. It made him think of all the times he had sat behind the drums in the shop, dreaming of arenas.  
For what seemed like the first time in years, he felt as if he wasn’t alone at all, like he had found the universe he was looking for.  
Soon enough, Josh got too involved in the show he forgot about brendon and eventually lost him. Looking through the crowd for the tall black hair he had grown to love, surely thinking that he would find him easy enough. He didn’t. And as the lights began to come back on, illuminating the people around him, he felt alone again. He didn’t like feeling alone.   
Joshua: Brendon where’d you go?  
Joshua: Brendon  
Joshua: B please  
Without Brendon, he couldn’t leave. He needed a ride. But he didn’t know anyone else apart from Chris. Thus, he is standing outside in the cold Columbus air freezing his dick off, trying to grow some balls and text his last chance at getting home.  
Josh: Hey man, great show!  
Chris: Thanks, Tyler really killed it right?  
Josh: Sure  
Josh: Quick question though  
Josh: Are you still here? I kinda lost my friend now I’m stuck here with no ride.  
Chris: No  
Chris: NO  
Chris: sorry man that wasn’t me. Yeah we can give you a ride? You live nearby?  
Josh: Yeah, just round by Taco Bell  
Chris: Cool, just come inside, security’s real shit anyway  
Josh laughed and quickly walked back in the doors, finding the door backstage faster than he thought, trying to be quiet opening it but to no avail as a giant creaking noise rang out through the whole building and he cringed at it. Too much noise.  
Chris was right though, there was absolutely no security, the way to the dressing rooms practically marked with a yellow brick road. Josh laughed at his own joke as he gently knocked in the door, shuffling sounding throughout the room and someone yelling that they need to put pants on.  
“Tyler what the fuck are you doing?” Chris’s voice sounded through the door, audibly both disappointed and confused.  
“Shut up Chris no one asked you,” A different voice yelled, sounding like the boy that had been running around on stage just minutes before hand.   
“Hi Josh,” Chris smiled sweetly, as soon as he opened the door but was caught off guard completely by the change in Josh’s hair, “Woah man, nice hair,” He said, looking at it with wide eyes before moving back and letting him in the door.   
Inside the room was way warmer than in the hall and Josh instantly melted into it, letting it overtake him and sink into his bones. There was a soft brown leather couch on the other side of the room and a table with a few cans of redbull on it, empty one thrown across the room like that of a teenage boy. On the other side of the room was a set of curtains shaped like a box, most likely where someone would get changed.  
“Chris,” The box of curtains said, the same voice as before and on stage, “I’m in a bit of a pickle,” He sighed, sounding rather defeated.  
“What have you done now?” Chris walked over to the curtain and tucked his head around, whispering aggressively with the boy on the other side, the three of them together being the only people left in the room. After many minutes of passive aggressive whispering, Chris sighed and turned to Josh.  
“He’s being difficult,” He said and Josh laughed, his mind coming up with impossible reasons as to why this was happening.  
“If you had just gotten me another, as I asked you so politely, this whole thing could’ve been avoided,” Josh had put together that it was Tyler behind the curtains, from the way he says his words and the fact that there was no one else here.  
“He didn’t grab his shirt before you walked in and now he’s too nervous to come out,” Chris sighs dramatically and earns a betrayed gasp from behind the curtain.  
“Why?” Josh laughs before he really thinks about it, why someone with words like that would want to wear a shirt. As he realises it, Chris seems to notice and he looks between the two as if they’re both aliens. He walks over to the couch and grabs a thin piece of white fabric off the cool leather and holds it in his hands.  
“Ya’ know what?” Chris walks past Josh and over to the door, “This is for stealing my phone. I’ll be out by the car when you come out, Tyler can show you where that is,” he says, shutting the door behind him and leaving the pair in awkward silence as Josh looks around the room and Tyler gently rests against the wall. His eyes closed and his knee to his chest, the other stretched out in front of him.  
But his eyes don’t stay closed as a heavy jacket falls on his head, the smell of lavender and wood enveloping him. He holds the jacket out in front of him, examining it and turning it in his hands.  
“It’s not that cold anyway,” Josh says, his arms covered in goosebumps already and he’s in the warm room of the building, where there’s a heater and carpet. He always tries to do nice things for other people, especially if he understood their metaphors.  
Before long, the curtain moves and a tuft of fluffy brown hair pops just into view and the zip of his jacket is done up. And out steps the boy from the stage, his head ducked as he shoves his hands in the pockets of the jacket.  
“Th- thanks,” he mumbles quietly, looking at Josh’s shoes momentarily before looking back at his own. His whole stage persona had disappeared from view and was replaced with this quiet, shy version of his lyrics.  
“S’my pleasure,” Josh smiles warmly and steps closer to Tyler, “I’m Josh, Chris’s friend,” He reaches out his hand and gets a cold one placed in it, weakly shaking it before the owner looks up and notices the bright pink fluff of hair on his head.  
“Sick hair,” Tyler smiles, his eyes wide and reaches up to brush his fingers through it, pulling a few knots out in the process. Almost instantly, he processes what he’s done and shrinks away, shoving his hands back in the pockets, “Sorry.”  
“It’s fine man, shall we got meet Chris? You’re kinda my ride home,” Josh laughs weakly but manages to get a chuckle out of the fragile boy before him. He was right, he didn’t need the jacket because the glint in those eyes the colour of hot chocolate without milk was enough to make the sun feel cold.  
“Yeah, he should be just down here,”  
  
“So Josh, how’d you like the show?” Chris asked from the front seat, glancing between the road ahead and the rear-view mirror where he could see Josh.  
“It was so cool dude,” Josh radiated excitement and honesty, “I just wish Brendon were still here, you would’ve liked him,” He said, drifting off to think about where Brendon could possibly be. Maybe out with a friend, maybe out trying to get back with Sarah, maybe drinking. Who am I kidding, it was the latter.  
“I still can’t believe you stole my shirt,” Tyler sulked from the passenger seat, his arms crossed as he looked out the window.  
“Yeah, how could you do that Chris,” Josh joined in on bashing Chris, not because he thought he deserved it or for the joke but because he remembered how nice it felt to have someone side with him about anything. Anything at all.  
“I’m sorry okay geez,” Chris defended himself as he drove, turning corner after corner, “Since when are you two a tag-team,” He said dramatically and slowed down, turning into the Taco Bell just around the corner from his apartment.  
“I’m so hungry,” Tyler spoke, basically running out of the car and leaving the door open behind him. Chris sighed and closed it for him, walking with Josh in the warm doors that smelled of tacos and the remnants of Josh’s jacket Tyler was still wearing.  
“Where does it all go?” Chris asked, raising an eyebrow and motioning dramatically to Tyler’s stick-like physique, his jeans wrapped tightly around his legs and the Josh’s jacket drowning him slowly but surely.  
“I don’t know man,” Tyler smiled, flicking his hands down and throwing himself back, essentially turning in a circle. His stage persona still wasn’t there, but he had more energy, as if Taco Bell gave him the energy to take on the world, and honestly same.  
“Alright, what do you want Josh?” Chris crossed his arms and looked up at the menus printed on the wall as Tyler went up and gave the girl cash without saying what he ordered. She smiled and put it in the register, writing down what I guess was Tyler’s order by the way she slid it across the counter to her co-worker.  
  
They sat together at a table by the window, Tyler having protested the booth because it made him feel “trapped” which none of them could argue with. Tyler sat with Josh and Chris sat by himself, looking betrayed as his band-mate chose to sit with their new friend whom they barely knew, and not him.  
“He practically lives here,” Chris laughs through his taco, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand messily, “They know exactly what he’s gonna order every time, he doesn’t even have to say anything.”  
“Now that’s commitment,” Josh laughed and rolled up the paper his taco was wrapped in when it still exsisted outside his stomach.  
“Finally!” Tyler yelled, his energy seeming to recharge as the night went on, “Someone gets it!” Even though it was just gone midnight, Tyler seemed as though he could run a marrathon or two.   
“How are you so skinny?” Chris finished off the last of his taco, finally making it so they were all finished instead of just Josh and Tyler. I’m not gonna lie, at that question, I would’ve cried a little, so how Tyler managed to keep the pain from his voice I don’t know, but he needs to give me some tips. And even Josh didn’t notice that his fingers tapped a new beat he hadn’t made yet, but he did nonetheless and he had to write it down before he forgot. Last time he forgot, it haunted him until he found it again.  
He began frantically looking around the table for something to write on and with, anything would do, he already had napkins hanging out of his notebook at. But there was nothing, there were napkins, but no pens.  
“I need the car keys,” Tyler said quickly, interrupting whatever conversation Chris was having with Josh. They looked at him before Chris threw him the keys from his back pocket, almost missing but Tyler caught them as he stood up from the table and raced out the door before any questions could be made.  
“Here we go again,” Chris packed up the table, throwing the rubbish in the bin and heading out the door with Josh right behind him, smiling and thanking the kids behind the counter.   
The air outside was still as cold as before, Josh’s breath clearly visible in front of his face whenever he exhaled. His shirt was cold and he gently wrapped his arms around himself, trying to get himself warm as Chris let him back in the car.  
“Where’d he go?” Josh asked from where he was seated in the back seat of the car, his knee beginning to bounce as Tyler disappeared.   
“Who knows,” Chris laughed and pulled out his phone, playing some sort of game as Josh sat quietly drumming on his knees, waiting for their strange singer to come back from wherever he was.  
When he was, he was smiling from ear to ear and seemed to have more energy than he did on stage. He had a small notebook and pen in hand, throwing it in his pocket as he climbed into the back seat next to Josh. They were becoming more and more friendly with each other, and Josh couldn’t of said no, but Tyler was having other thoughts scratch at the backs of his eyes.  
“Right are we ready to go now?” Chris asked, visibly and audibly exhausted from driving them around at 1am, “Josh where do you live?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry   
> (a) This is really half-assed  
> (b) I'm sorry Brendon I love you and it's not really Brendon but it's necessary and I hate it.  
> (c) I don't even know what I'm doing anymore I reered off the storyline I have set up and now I'm like 'wat'

Brendon was still nowhere to be seen as Josh walked in the door to his little apartment, food and dishes thrown everywhere. If it were anyone else’s home, it would’ve looked as though he had been robbed, but he hadn’t, this was just how he lived. Messy and alone. Much like myself actually.  
A twisting feeling began in his stomach as he thought about where Brendon could possibly be, out drinking or being the whore that he is. And the more he thought about it, the more it made him feel sick, like he had completely abandoned his best friend of ever since he could remember. The one who dyed his hair this unruly colour and the colours before that. It was as though he was missing a limb when he finally realised he may have fucked up.  
Before long, he was lying on his bed with his face shoved into his pillow as he couldn’t find his phone. It wasn’t on the bench where he usually put it, or on the bed anywhere, in his pockets or on the chair. Maybe it fell out of his jacket pocket when he gave Tyler his- oh. His jacket. Tyler still has his jacket the little shit.  
“Fuck sake,” He sighed and rolled around in his bed, taking off his jeans and shirt so to only be in his boxers before covering himself in the thick wooly duvet and trying his best to go to sleep. It wasn’t easy, thoughts of Brendon flooding in through his teeth and making him feel guilty like he did before. Before he had any good, real friends.  
But sleep dragged him away after a while, thoughts of his jacket and the one who stole his phone singing his softly away.  
  
A knocking came to his door early in the morning, ripping him from his peaceful sleep and forcing him from his bed. Josh hated people coming to his house in general let alone at this time of the morning. Which was about 11 but he was asleep is the point and he didn’t like waking up sometimes. God knows I can relate.  
“Yes?” He opened the door quickly before realising he was still in just his boxers with his hair a mess, but didn’t care as soft black hair pushed inside and threw himself on the couch.  
“What the fuck Josh?” Brendon almost yelled at Josh, his hands flying around his head and his voice almost singing level.  
“What?” Josh was genuinely confused, his eyes still full of sleep and still not wearing pants.  
“Where the fuck did you go?” He continued yelling, screaming at Josh as he got up from the couch and stood right in front of his so-called best friend. Best friends don’t yell at each other.  
“Where did I go? Where did you go?” He yelled back, finally having enough of his bullshit and stepping forward with him. It was his fault, he left but Josh should’ve tried harder to find him and maybe actually called him.   
“You’re the one that left without me!” Brendon yelled, stepping back slightly before giving an expression of anger and finally giving up. The argument didn’t last long and wasn’t very necessary, but it broke Josh to the bone, reminded him of what he used to be like. And as Brendon stormed his way back out the door, seemingly satisfied with terrifying his best friend, Josh tried to process what was happening to him. He slumped against the side of the couch, his head in his hands and his knee under his chin, as Tyler had been sitting behind the curtain.  
Tyler. Tyler still had his phone, hence why he didn’t text or call Brendon last night and why he couldn’t now. So he sat and cried. Maybe put some pants on at some point but ended up just lying on the ground as he thought of what used to be and how everyone eventually leaves him. Unaware of the boy trying to find his apartment.  
  
Tyler walked up the concrete steps nervously, Josh’s jacket draped delicately across his forearms he so often lost himself staring at. The thick camo fabric made him feel warm and comfortable unlike most of his other clothes, those were tights and mostly button-ups. But this, this was different. It was so Josh. I know that’s cliche and dumb but it was and Tyler just couldn’t find a word to describe it, how it made him feel.   
The door opened around him and he almost jumped at the people around him, most of them being sort of soccer-mum looking, but there was one boy storming his way through the lobby. He was tall, so was his jet-black hair that contrasted his white shirt and face. He stopped suddenly at the sight of Tyler, maybe recognising him as much as he didn’t want anyone too. He doesn’t know you, you’ve never seen him before, Tyler’s mind began racing as he ducked his head and tried to ignore that he knew this man was coming towards him, anger seething through the air around him.  
“Fourth floor, apartment 32,” The man with black hair almost spat at him as he walked past, looking between the jacket and Tyler’s face. After seeing the frightened expression on Tyler’s face, his own softened aswell, quickly rendering that he probably sounded like a complete asshole for pretty much yelling, but carried on walking anyway. And left Tyler to wonder about that and wonder about the many eyes that must be on him by now.  
Josh’s apartment building was quite big, elevators everywhere and each taking Tyler to a different section of the fourth floor. It took him a while, which he would never admit to anyone apart from himself and maybe the lady at the desk that watched him run around like a headless chicken, but he found the white door marked “32”. Small dark cracks had began spreading through the thin white paint and Tyler thought about repainting it, maybe a vibrant dark red that would stand out from the rows of white doors he had just gotten lost in.  
The wood sounded hollow as he threw his thin knuckles at it, almost cradling them as soon as he stopped, sharp pins being pressed through his fingers. It took Josh a second to answer the door, and in that split second Tyler began to wonder if he wasn’t home and he embarrassed himself for nothing, he reminded himself to never come here again after that. But when Josh did answer the door, it was as though he had just woken up, at 11;30am, his bright pink hair breaching the confines of his usually neat mohawk. The torso that was covered up by a long sleeve t-shirt was now completely exposed and Tyler was captivated by the swirls of green and yellow that swam up his right arm.  
“Hey Tyler,” He beamed and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his fingers like a small child.  
“Hi,” Tyler mumbled out a response, rubbing his own tattoos not many people knew about hidden under his own thick jersey. He had gotten them when he was younger, just dropped out of uni and was feeling rebellious but still sentimental.  
“Come on in, sorry about the mess,” He laughed and so did Tyler, seeing the mess of books and clothes and just stuff in general that was thrown across the lounge. Tyler’s teeth stuck out of his smile and made Josh smile aswell, forgetting about what he had been doing all day so far.  
“I brought you your jacket,” He continued smiling and held out the jacket still draped across his overlapping arms, remembering what his own apartment looked like. You can probably imagine living in a tiny apartment with 5 guys and one’s girlfriend.  
“Oh, thanks,” Josh smiled heartily and grabbed it, pulling his phone out of the pocket, but deciding to wait till Tyler was gone to read the magnitude of messages from Brendon. He wasn’t going to cry in front of his new friend.  
“It’s no problem, Mark was bugging me all morning anyway so,” He laughed and shoved his boney hands in the back pockets of his jeans, tight and uncomfortable jeans.  
Josh simply laughed and threw his jacket over the back of a chair, adding to the mess and putting his phone face down in the kitchen counter. Tyler seemed to radiate nerves, his fingers twitching at the ends of his sleeve and his eyes glued to his vans.  
Josh watched, Tyler watched too. He watched in the reflection of the door leading out to the balcony, studying the tree leading up Josh’s arm and the swirl at the top of his shoulder. It made him jealous with his little lines and squares, geometric shapes covering his chest and arms. He wanted something more.  
“What are you doing today?” Josh asked suddenly, the silence was comfortable and he could’ve sat like that all day any day, but today was not any day. He just wanted to talk to someone and that someone happened to be Tyler, whether he liked it or not.  
“Nothing really, probably just practicing,” Tyler smiled and finally looked away from the door to the balcony and actually looked back at Josh’s bare torso. He was quite...defined.  
“Do you want to go get some lunch?” He suggested, throwing his thumb over his shoulder and beginning to walk into his bedroom to get a shirt. His room was weirdly cleaner than the lounge, his bed looked as though a bomb had gone off but the floor was nice and clear of dirty clothes or other things.   
“Sure,” Tyler followed him into the room, looking around, up the white walls and down across the sort of dirty white carpet. At least the bed and drawers were a dark grey and the colour of an old tree, nicely accenting the whiteness of the rest of the room/house. A photo sat on the bedside table, a picture of Josh with what seemed to be his siblings, his hair a dark natural brown, the same as his brother’s where his sister’s were strawberry blonde. It was such a nice contrast to the bright pink hair on top of his head now as he ruffled his fingers through the locks to try sort them out. Again, he watched the muscles down Josh’s back and shoulders push and pull against each other as he reached up, throwing a short sleeved black shirt on.   
“Taco Bell?” Josh smiled and grabbed his car keys off the bedside table along with a dirty snap-back which he threw on top of the hair he gave up on fixing. Tyler thought too much sometimes. Much like I, neither of us truly knowing the consequences of how we think about the ones we love and the importance in remembering that adjective, beat, or melody.  
“You know me too well, Joshua,” Tyler laughed as the two that had known each other barely a day.  
  
“I like your tattoo,” Tyler said quietly as they sat at the same table at Taco Bell they had been at the previous night, “May I ask what it means,” He was always polite, we both were because we both knew how it felt to be asked questions we didn’t want to answer.  
“Why do you want to know?” Josh raised an eyebrow and tossed his empty wrapper onto the tray in front of them, licking a leftover bit of food off his bottom lip.  
“I like knowing meanings behind things, it’s like my…” He trailed off, trying to think of a word to put at the end of that sentence. He always spoke in patch-work quilts, his words often stubborn and unwilling to come through, “Thing.”  
“Well you’re going to have to go without this time my friend,” Josh laughed, Tyler pulling a funny, yet understanding face before copying Josh and tossing his wrapper on the tray, “You got any?”  
“You show me yours I’ll show you mine?” Tyler laughed and Josh would’ve lost his shit right then and there if he hadn’t felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Brendon’s name flashing up on the screen along with the memories of earlier that day. He sighed and answered the call, choosing to not move away from Tyler as to not look strange, he wasn’t going to cry anyway.  
“Josh I’m sorry,” Brendon spoke immediately, Josh only really hearing half his name as he brought the cold metal up to his ear once again.  
“Brendon,” Josh spoke lightly and put his bridge between his finger and thumb, realising he does that a lot when talking to Brendon, “What do you want?”  
“I just want you Josh,” Brendon cried in his ear, “I’m sorry I shouldn't of left with him and then blamed you it wasn’t your fault, I’m sorry,” Tyler seemed to hear him as he looked up from folding something out of his napkin, narrowing his eyes at Josh’s and just recieveing an eye-roll in response. This made Tyler chuckled and go back to folding his napkin.  
“Are you drunk or high?” Josh laughed a little and closed his eyes as he listened to Brendon talk about whatever he was talking about.   
“Josh why are you such a dick today,” He spat, clearly drunk and maybe high at the same time, “What did I do to you? You need me and you know it! You have nothing without me. You are nothing without me!” The change in Brendon’s voice and his actions so far crushed Josh’s bones once again, but he kept thinking the same phrase over and over again don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry until it was engraved into his skull, like he only knew how to speak two words.  
“Josh?” Tyler said quietly, sitting up but still holding the napkin in his hands, folding something square and long, like a pyramid sort of shape. His eyes were full of something he never thought he would see again.  
“Brendon you need to stay away from me,” Josh said sternly and Brendon went quiet quickly, the only noise on the other end of the phone the slight breathing of hopefully Brendon, “Delete my number.”  
And with that, he hung up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually so hype for my own fic. Like Why is Brendon like this? Why is Josh like this? Who is the narrator? Will we ever know? What happened to my format? I guess we'll never know.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short and kinda rushed chapter but I'm going away for the weekend so this is all you get for the next two days so. Again, I'm sorry Brendon, I love you.

Josh cried once again. Thankfully not in front of Tyler, just in the comfort of his own apartment and the soft silky smell of his sheets he had to grown to love a little too much. He worried about Brendon, he had always had some issues with his temper and they were working on it, starting with his alcoholism, but he had begun to derail. When they were younger, Brendon was always the one to help Josh with his problems, and he wanted to pay him back, to get that debt off his shoulders and help a friend in need. But now he can’t help but feel as though he did the opposite and made it worse by saying those things to him, telling him to delete his number and hanging up so rudely. It wasn’t like him at all.  
It wasn’t till he got a text from his new friends did he realise how long he had spent just been lying in his bed with the duvet pulled up to his chin. Sometimes he terrified himself.  
Chris: hey man wyd  
Josh: Nothing much why?  
Chris: you wanna come hang with us? We’re gonna watch some horror and eat shit  
Chris: if you aint busy  
Josh: Yeah sounds great  
And thus, Josh sat on their overcrowded couch and watched whatever they were watching with them. There was like five other guys with him, two of them squished in the same couch as him, on the other the same amount and all of them thrown around messily. A guy named Mark was lying on top of both Chris and someone else Josh didn’t remember the name of, remote in hand as he was enveloped in the movie. Everynow and then he would throw a piece of candy in his mouth, sometimes missing and causing them all to laugh and sometimes getting it in without anyone seeing. Josh was sitting on someone named Nick, who was sitting on someone called Zack. At first he didn’t want to sit on anyone, but they all made him feel so welcome and comfortable, like he had a home with these people he had known for 30 seconds. He liked them already.  
“So you play drums too?” Zack asked from the bottom of the pile, eating a chip and looking up at Josh, genuinely interested in what he had to say.  
“Yeah, a little,” He shrugged and looked at Mark scrolling through the movies they could watch breifly before looking back at the boys talking to him and smiling.  
“Sick, maybe you can fill in for Chris when he leaves,” Nick laughed and Chris sighed from the other side of the room, sandwiched between Mark and the other guy Josh couldn’t remember.  
“We haven’t told Tyler yet,” He said, his eyes full of hope, presumably for Josh not telling him either. Josh couldn’t drum for a band, he didn’t even drum that well, although Joe might say otherwise, but that was Joe.  
“Speaking of,” Mark said and stared at the floor, everyone else going quiet aswell until you could just hear the very faint hum of a piano and quiet singing. It sounded so smooth and sad, like a balloon flowing away in the wind.  
“Oh,” Chris said, sitting up straight and looking Mark dead in the eyes, getting the same worried look in return, like their friend had died and they knew it.  
“Haven’t heard that song since…” Zack said and they all shared the same look, one of worry and pity and the small boy began to scream below them, all five of them only just being able to hear it. All five boys seemed to understand this one look and Josh could not have been more confused, yet understand so perfectly.  
“Last time I went he freaked,” Chris said and looked at all the other boys, going round in a circle, all of them giving a sentence that went along the lines of “Last time I went he…” until all ten glowing eyes landed on Josh’s bright pink hair and nose ring. He had never felt this at home and uncomfortable in a long, long time but he didn’t hate it for some reason, a reason he ran around his brain to find but just couldn’t. He understood, just didn’t know why.  
As he walked down the stairs, the harsh piano chords became louder, masking his own breathing and the noise of nervous chatter behind him as the housemates squabbled about them letting a stranger to see their best friend. But as Josh got closer to the closed door, he could feel the energy. The energy he knew too much about, knew about what it went towards, but it was being pushed towards something else. Something sweet and sour that sounded like a forest and a rainstorm all at the same time, condensed into one word being screamed at the top of a pair of lungs.   
Josh stopped to listen to the word until he was sure he would never forget it because he didn’t want to. He wanted to stand behind that voice and rest his hand on the shaking shoulder and tell him he was okay, tell him was was doing okay. And that’s what he did. At first, Tyler may have jumped, which made Josh jump too, but never took his hand off the cold shoulder.  
“Sorry, was I too loud?” Tyler asked, tearing his fingers slowly from the ivory keys and looking down at his lap, trying to hide the shame behind a light chuckle.  
“Not at all,” Josh smiled and finally dropped his hand from Tyler’s shoulder, walking to the other side of the piano and resting his chin on his palms, giving the best smile he could find. Completely disregarding his own life for this one boy was easier than he expected, “Play me something?”  
“Like what?” Tyler laughed and looked up at Josh, his finger dancing in his lap, itching to be put back on the piano keys.  
“I don’t know the extent of your skills,” Josh said and sat back a little, close enough to still see the keys on the piano, but still leaning back nonetheless. He wanted to watch Tyler play the piano all day until he couldn’t stay awake any longer, until he felt compelled to take that face in his hands and smoosh it together with his own. He was in too deep already.  
“How about this?” Tyler played a series of chords that Josh recognised immediately, his eyes going wide and looking around the room at the many instruments scattered around until they found the set of drums, better than the ones in the store. The seat was a little worn out and the drum sticks beginning to fray, but Josh didn’t care as he played along to the chords a laughing Tyler continued playing.  
“Why couldn’t you have met this guy earlier?” Mark asked Chris dramatically, listening to the mess of music and laughing coming through the once again closed door they haven’t heard in a long time.  
“I’m just glad we met him at all,” Chris sighed, his head resting against the wall with his eyes closed, his light brown hair spread across the wall and making Mark laugh.  
“That’s true,” Mark admitted defeat but got lost in thought, like we all do, “Why do you think he’s so good with Tyler?’  
“You say that as if it’s a bad thing,” Chris sounded tired already, keeping his eyes closed but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to know too.  
“Well I mean,” Mark looked at the door, then back at his friend, “It takes a lot to understand Tyler, and that seems to be the only way to get that laugh out of him.”  
Chris opened his eyes at this and looked between his best friend and the door, the pieces getting put together behind them and then something just clicked. “You think that..” He pointed at the door, on the left side where the drums were, a soft beat being beaten through the thin wood, “Is like…” He moved his finger to the other side of the door, where a soft boy played soft chords at a soft piano. You ever hear “It takes one to know one”? Well I can tell you now, in this case, it was absolutely true. Half true. One-sidedly true. By which I mean one knew the other, but the other didn’t know them. I know you’re probably thinking “that’s almost never true” and it is, but there are many instances in which it is true, my predicament was true. They knew me but I never realised them. At least not until it was too late.  
“Think about it man,” Mark leaned forward, clearly invested in this topic of conversation, “The way Tyler thinks and does stuff, undoubtedly similar to Josh.”  
He was right, their fidgeting was different but the same and they and they had gone around five boys who have know Tyler since Uni and none of them had been able to talk to him when they heard that song, yet here comes Josh and he’s off like a firework. “Makes sense,” Chris said, leaning back against the wall, “Although this is what happened last time.”  
“I think this time will be different,” Mark smiled and listened to the music fade as the laughter did the opposite and footsteps sounded around the room.   
  
“No way,” Josh said in disbelief as they lay on the floor together, still surrounded by instruments, fully aware of the two bodies leaning against the door snoring their heads off.  
“Yeah, I was captain of the team,” Tyler laughed and wriggled to be on his side, facing Josh, smiling sweetly as he told stories of college, “They were completely useless without me,” He laughed and Josh could listen to him laugh all day everyday, play that track on repeat and never get sick of it.  
“I never would’ve guessed this adorable little punk rock pianist played basketball in college,” Josh laughed, picturing the small fragile boy running around a court with a ball in his hands.  
“No one ever does,” He says, still smiling with those sweetly crooked teeth sticking out, “What about you Joshua? What did you do in College?”  
Josh stopped and tried to think of something to say, he cried? Stayed away from everything and everyone? Slept in a bush a few times? No, he didn’t want to ruin Tyler’s smile with his sad life, “Nothing of interest, just bummed around a bit,” He smiled, Tyler leaning in closer, seemingly understanding the horror of College.  
They lay like that until the door opened and Mark stood over them, standing right next to Josh as Tyler’s head was by his waist and the rest of him spread out in the other direction. The two of them made a sort of ‘T’ shape from Mark’s point of view.  
“Josh your phone keeps ringing and Zack’s about to throw it at the wall,” He said sharply and Josh sat up slowly, wringing his palms across his eyes and sighing because he knew exactly who was calling him.  
Back upstairs, the five boys were all spread across the couches again, Zack going as far as to having the top half of his body hanging off the side. Josh laughed at the group he could now call his friends before turning to what was meant to be his best friend, calling him for the gazillionth tim today. Except it wasn’t Brendon himself this time, the rest of the times it was but this time it was an unknown number and Josh felt snakes slither up his stomach as he answered the call and stepped into the kitchen, hopefully away from the rest of the group.  
“Hello?” He asked, fear undenyably noticable in his voice, even through the phone.  
“Is this Joshua Dun?” A woman’s voice asked, her tone simultaneously bored and full of urgency that made more than just snakes race up Josh’s throat. All he wanted in that moment was to go back to his apartment, to his duvet and lie there and contemplate.  
“Yes, this is he,” He said as formally as he could, completely unaware of Tyler’s small brown hair sticking out from the doorway behind him, watching the stress come out in his shoulders.  
“I have a Brendon Urie here in the ICU…” Josh didn’t need to hear anymore. He zoned out, practically dropping his phone and gently resting it on the bench, still in his hand as he placed the pieces together in his head. Brendond didn’t fall off the rails. He was pushed. And he knew exactly by who.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sure if I know what this is anymore. I don't know the answers for my own fic what even am I.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back bitches. lol. Life happened for like a week but it's good I'm good have this wee little chapter that's pretty shit but a chapter nonetheless.

Everything was so...white. The walls, the lino spread across the floor and the ceiling, even the curtains were white. Almost blue but mostly white. Even the chair he was sitting on was white, his black jeans and black shirt sticking out like an emo in a rest home, along with the quiet boy that demanded he be brought along.   
Josh had no clue, no idea as to why Tyler had wanted to come to a hospital so badly, of all places, the Hospital. To see a dying person he had never even met before. But nonetheless, here they were. One completely calm, his breathing steady and his fingertips gently tapping the beat of whatever song had been playing in the car on their way here. The other, however, was tapping the toes of his shoe against the cold ground rather fast, his fingers continuously running through his hair and his breathing just at the beginning stages of being wrong.   
“Tyler?” Josh asked, becoming oddly confident and resting his palm on the top of his friend’s knee, gently raising an eyebrow and smiling, “You alright buddy?”  
“What? Yeah- Yeah I’m fine,” He said quickly, probably wanting to get off the subject as he scraped his fingers across his scalp aggressively.   
“Do you want me to take you home?” Thoughts of an old lady came to Josh’s head as he spoke, the first time he was in here with Brendon, he had been much the same as Tyler and an older lady had come across the waiting room to ask if he was okay. He was sitting in the same seat, the lady watching him from across the neat white floor before deciding to go talk to him. She told him stories of her husband who had died “5 odd years ago” and she was in here for her granddaughter. Her voice reminded him of the smell of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. He missed that old lady.  
“No- No I’m fine, it’s fine,” Tyler rushed, his fingers removing themselves from his hair and instead intertwining in between his knees. Josh was so calm, being used to this by now, whether it be for himself or Brendon, some nurses knew him by his face or name.  
“If there’s anything I’ve learned through my life,” He smirked and looked down at his hand still on Tyler’s thin knee, “It’s that that sentence is almost always a lie. Especially when you’re in a hospital.” He deserved a medal for getting Tyler to laugh, even if the circumstances were not that great, and it was only a second. But that second was so peaceful and Tyler’s knee became so much less tense for that small moment.  
“You’re not wrong,” He laughed and his fingers paused for that moment he spent smiling, the split second where Josh didn’t feel like he had to worry. But it all came bucketing down once again when a nurse came in for Josh.  
“Josh?” She smiled sweetly and walked over to them, a small wooden clip-board in her arms along with a pen. She had long brown hair tied back in a pony tail that seemed to reach her ankles, her eyes almost the same colour but with a little bit of green.  
“That’s me,” Josh laughed and stood up, removing his hand from Tyler’s knee and instantly wanting to put it back, but keeping that in his head as they were walked to where Brendon sat on a purely white bed.  
“Hey B,” He said quietly and Brendon did nothing, just kept looking down at his crossed legs, where his ankles were pressed together with his hands on top. He looked as though his entire life had been drained from his whole body, his eyes heavy and dull where they used to be full of life and sometimes alcohol. Josh didn’t like this Brendon and he got the impression Tyler didn’t either, “How are you? You ready to go home?” He knelt down in front of his friend and looked up into those empty eyes.  
Brendon nodded slowly and turned to get up from the bed, either just not noticing or pretending not to notice Tyler standing awkwardly by the door.   
It was strange for Tyler, he wanted to cry that he was sorry to all his friends, wanted to run back to their apartment and apologise because he never knew what it was like to be on this side of the gourney.  
  
“Okay, B,” Josh said and rested his hands on Brendon’s white shoulders, walking him into his bedroom. Both of them had spent their fair share of time sleeping on couches so Josh was completely content with sacrificing his bed to his broken friend.   
Brendon completely collapsed onto the deep grey duvet, his shoes and clothes still on as he began clawing his way underneath. Josh was fast in pulling the duvet back again and talking quietly with his friend as he helped make him comfortable, thinking of when he would wake up in the morning.  
“Do you want to tell me anything?” Josh asked quietly, his fingers moving quietly in unlacing Brendon’s boots and laying them on the floor. He didn’t like talking to Brendon when he was hopped up on so many drugs from the hospital, but he knew it was easiest for his friend as he most likely wouldn’t remember.  
“I thought I could trust him this time,” Brendon sighed, his face and voice completely absent of any sort of emotion, sad or happy.   
“We’ve been over this B,” Josh sighed and placed both boots at the foot of his bed, neatly unlaced, “Let him go, he’s been nothing but destructive,” He was right. There was only one person they could possibly be talking about and they had known him since high school, where he tore brendon down and laughed at the pile of rubble at his feet.  
“I know, but he seemed so genuine,” Brendon was becoming more and more sleepy at Josh began to pull down his jeans, staring at the ceiling in numb silence, “Like he actually wanted me back.”  
“I know B,” Josh sighed and folded the pair of dirty jeans, putting them neatly underneath the pair of boots that seemed to be nothing without each other. He stood and looked back at the man who seemed to be a small child for a moment, wrapping himself in a blanket as if it were his shield from monsters that weren’t really there. But they were, at least for Brendon they were.  
“How are you always so calm?” Tyler asked from the couch, his legs spread out in front of him but pressed neatly together. He still looked rather rattled, uneasy from the events from the day, the sun beginning to set and accentuate his features. The chiseled but still flat facial features that would be a bitch to make on the sims. I had always loved how he seemed to know he was beautiful but thought he wasn’t at the same time, like he didn’t want to be. But he was and he was going to have to deal with it.  
“Let’s just say it’s not my first rodeo,” Josh spoke through his teeth and went to open the fridge, looking for something to eat but being met with a weird smell and little to no food. He scrunched his nose and closed the door quickly, hoping Tyler didn’t smell it too because that would insinuate he was a messy person and while he was, he liked people thinking he was neat and tidy, although he absolutely was not, “I’m gonna go to the store, you wanna come or wait here or I can drop you home if you want?”  
“I’ll come with you, maybe buy you a new fridge while we’re there, your one smells like crap,” He laughed and stood with Josh, walking to the front door as Josh mocked hurt, placing his hand over his chest and opening his mouth to show off his nicely white teeth. In that moment, Tyler forgot everything his family had taught him and wondered what it would be like to run his fingers through that bright pink hair instead of his own, what it would be like to find solace in those eyes rather than the ones in the trees. He wondered.  
“Is this what it’s always like?” Tyler asked from the passenger seat of Josh’s car as they drove towards the cheapest store in the area.  
“What do you mean?” Josh folded his eyebrows but kept his eyes on the road, driving as best he could without yelling at the other drivers around them.  
“To be on this side of the white walls and white sheets and just white,” Tyler spoke in riddles that any other person would want to throw off a cliff but Josh enjoyed it, he found his solace in figuring them out. He meant the hospital because that’s how he thinks of it in his head, there could be a bright yellow wall and he would still call that building white.   
“Not all the time,” Josh said and couldn’t help but let his mind drift on about what this riddle meant, this side of the white walls. The phrase spun round and round in his head for the whole drive trying to figure out of Tyler was just saying that in general or if he was actually like him and Brendon. Sure, his music said the former but Josh didn’t want to jump to any conclusions with this one. He would keep that for people on the train.  
The store was warm and cold at the same time, the floor looked like it would be cold if he was in bare feet, but the air was warm against his face and arms. Not many people around, just the staff walking and talking to each other, some laughing and some remaining quiet in the back. He came here all the time to get food and dyes, most of the time with Brendon.  
“Hi, welcom-” A chirpy young voice came from behind the pair as they walked down an aisle looking for cereal, “Josh?”  
Josh turned to see one of his oldest friends standing before him, her hair platinum white and curly, the top half pinned back in braids. She looked as beautiful as when they knew each other before, when they were dating.  
“Debby!” Josh smiled and swooped in for a hug, leaving a painfully awkward and quiet Tyler standing behind him biting his nails, “I haven’t seen you in forever!” They laughed together as Josh put her back down on the ground, her black boots clicking gently against the (most likely) cold floor.  
“I know!” Debby smiled and rested her hand on his arm, over his tattoo, “What’ve you been doing?” She looked behind him and saw Tyler standing there being his awkward self, looking at the floor and still chewing the edge of his nail, “Is that Tyler Joseph?” She asked Josh in astonishment, her eyes going wide and her long fingernail pointing at him, making him look up with worried eyes.  
“Yeah, you know him?” Josh stepped back to stand equal with Tyler, as he dropped his bitten nail and smiled at Debby.  
“Yeah,” She laughed, “I’m Jenna’s girlfriend,” She smiled so wide, true happiness radiating off her and seeping into the cracks of Tyler’s broken smile.  
“Oh!” Tyler jumped and laughed, finally putting the pieces together in his head, “I’ve heard a lot about you,” He laughed and rested his hands on his hips more involved in the conversation now that he knew who she was.  
“Me too, Jenna talks about you and your band like 24/7,” She laughed with him and they talked together for what seemed like an eternity until Josh got a text from Brendon that reminded him of his fridge and lack of food in his apartment. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I have so much homework to do but here I am writing a shitty fanfic and crying into a tub of ice-cream.

“So Joshua,” Brendon smirked and rested his tattooed arm on the back of the couch, his legs crossing over with his feet on the ground, “How’s your crush on Tyler?”  
“Dude,” Josh sighed and sat down next to his friend, his back going against the side of the couch and his feet going onto Brendon’s lap in the most awkward way possible, “It’s terrible. I’ve only known him like a month.”  
“You’ve done more in less,” Brendon smirked and ducked away from Josh’s hand as fast as he could, but Josh was faster. His calloused hand smacked Brendon on the side of his arm, causing Brendon to be his over-dramatic self and ‘fall’ off the bed, crawling away on the floor.  
“Oh,” He gasped, his hand on his chest as he crawled towards the bedroom door, his other hand stretched out in front of him, “You’ve wounded me. How could you my love,” He sighed, Josh grabbing a pillow from beneath him and hitting the side of Brendon’s head. The older ‘man’ just put it on the floor gently, stopping his dramatic antics and standing straight, almost coming off as a functional member of society that doesn’t totally have a drinking problem, “Right, I’m going to nap,” He said with a straight face and went into Josh’s bedroom. He only had one bed so Josh began to get comfy on the couch.  
But then, he realised the time. It was only 2pm.  
His treacherous alone time began with thinking about the day before, thinking of how awkwardly adorable Tyler was until he knew who he was talking to. The way he stood biting his nails, staring at a crack on the floor as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen, yet he was trying to set it on fire. But when he figured out he knew of Debby, it was as if he had known her his entire life, his smile and hands on hips thing enough to make Josh want to cry and run his fingers through his hair. He tried to not talk to Debby too long, knowing how long the mask his new friend had would last but he couldn’t help but feel that he was too slow. Even though he knew he deserved to talk to her a little, she was his best friend and even girlfriend for a little bit and hadn’t seen her in a long time. She was exactly how he remembered, except the hair. Her hair was naturally a deep auburn colour, like the wood of his old table mixed with a vest his dad used to always wear. He always ended up here.  
Which is why he was so grateful to receive a text from Chris.  
Chris: Hey man, you wanna come over and jam with us? I have something I need to ask.  
Josh’s mind immediately began spinning with things the question could be, but couldn’t seem to land on a single answer. Some of them he was too busy to clearly think about because he was too busy thinking of other things it could be. But Brendon’s voice rang through his head, telling him to stop being a pussy and do it, to not let your mind take control.   
Josh: Right now?  
Chris: Yes right now, unless you’re busy.  
Josh: Yeah sure, I’m on my way  
The drive there was quicker than he remembered, whether he was getting used to it or he was just extra nervous was difficult to answer. He was always the nervous type, just wasn’t able to handle being the center of attention, preferring to stay hidden in the back, sneaking around drinking booze and eating all the food. That’s what I loved so much about him.  
“Hey man, glad you’re here!” Chris smiled warmly and invited him in, closing the door behind him, “Nick and that are in the basement, I’ll be down in a second,” he quickly scurried off down the hall, his socks squishing softly between his feet and the carpet, creating a soft sound that rang through Josh’s ears.  
The house was small, well decorated with certificates and photos, posters and awards from the people living there. He was informed that only about 4 people actually lived there, that Zack was just visiting when they all piled on the couch together. It reminded him of home whenever he walked in the door, greeted by smiles and sometimes music coming softly from the basement or down the hall. Josh would live here too if they’d let him.  
It was cold but warm at the same time down in the basement, the furniture and bodies arguing over a snare stand that seemed to almost be falling over, without even having a snare on it.   
“No, just turn this thingy and boom!” Nick yelled, twisting a screw on the side and just making it fall apart more. Mark snickered from his seat at the piano, his back to the keys, his fingers fiddling with a camera as he laughed at his friends, “I give up, he can hold it in his lap,” Nick threw his hands in the air dramatically, walking over to an amp with a bass leaning up against it.  
“Just wait for him to get back, he’ll fix it if you didn’t break it,” Mark laughed and stood up, holding his camera to his eye and looking through it at the wall.  
“I’ll fix it,” Josh piped up, the camera immediately whipping to his face and Mark laughing through it. He waddled over and gently put the stand back together, taking it over to the set of drums and putting it where it belongs, with a snare settled in nicely. Just to make sure everything was good, he tapped his fingers against it and the high hat but was met with the sound of the high-hat not being together properly either.  
“It was Mark!” Nick said quickly, pointing an accusatory finger at Mark, who looked up from his camera with a “what the fuck” expression painted across his face, travelling down into his hands, which he held up in his own defense.  
“It was not,” He said, glaring fires at Nick who just continued plucking chords experimentally on his bass guitar, “You were meant to be setting it up, not me.”  
“You distracted me,” Josh listened to them argue as he seemed to put the whole kit back together again, testing out each part with his fingernails. It sounded just like the one in the shop, only better.  
“Play us something Joshua,” Chris said from the doorway, Tyler coming in behind him quietly and sitting at his piano, pushing down the practice pedal and playing chords just as Nick had been doing, making sure the instrument sounded like a piano.  
“Are you sure?” Josh asked politely but grabbed sticks off the floor, just too random ones that seemed to be meant for each other.  
“If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t of asked,” Chris laughed and settled himself on the floor, watching his friends. Josh took a breath and tapped each part of the kit gently, making sure nothing was going to fall apart again before playing the first beat to come into his head. Kick, high-hat, high-hat, snare, kick, kick, high-hat snare. Over and over again as he smiled with the guys around him. Nick bobbed up and down, adding a few bass notes to the simple drum beat that Josh seemed to make sound so complicated. They laughed and smiled as Tyler took off the practice pedal and played the same four chords over the bass and drums, Mark videoing and taking pictures as Chris smiled sadly.   
“Wow, Josh,” Nick high-fived him over the high hat as the last piano chord sustained, Tyler not moving to keep his foot on the pedal.  
“So, now that I know you can drum,” Chris stood in the middle of the room, addressing all his friends at once, what he was saying must be important, “I have a proposition for you all, Mark included,” Mark made a small sign with his hands, something Josh didn’t quite understand, choosing not to dwell on and switched back to Chris, “I would like to umm.. Withdraw from the band,” His wording wasn’t what Josh would’ve used but I think they all got a jist of what he was saying. Judging by the way that everyone seemed to go quite, Tyler’s foot falling from the piano and landing on the ground next to it with a loud thud, “Now hear me out, I didn’t want to say anything until I found someone with at least the potential to take my place and I did!”  
Josh felt some of the air leave his lungs as three boys turned to look at him, the drumsticks digging into his palms as he gripped them tighter than he thought possible.   
“I’ll still live with you and hang with you, I just can’t afford it at this point,” He smiled and looked at his friends, Nick and Mark understanding and seeming to be perfectly fine with the decision, even smiling at both him and Josh. But there was still one member that needed convincing, the most important one.   
None of them said or did anything as Tyler stood from the piano and left the room, walking with completely calm shoulders and posture in general. It was a while before they heard the front door shut, Chris sighing and looking down at his shoes with a light chuckle.  
“Good thing you fixed his ukulele,” He smiled at Josh, looking towards him with such empathy Josh didn’t know what to do with himself. Chris walked quietly over to Mark and spoke gently, as if trying to keep his voice down but Josh could hear well from being quiet for so long, “Call Zack, I think it might happen again,” He said and this time every inch of air fell from Josh’s lungs as he lay the drumsticks on the snare.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've given up on docs because I want you to see my actual format because it's not as shit as it looks. I swear. BTW I did not proof read this, I never do.

     Josh wouldn't say he didn't like being alone. It just really depended on  _how_ alone he was. Like if Brendon was in the room next to him, he'd be fine, if he was sitting alone on the train yet surrounded by people, he'd be fine. But if he was completely, unavoidably alone, he would not be fine. And, unfortunately, that's what he was at this point. Alone. In his apartment, checking his phone every three seconds,not really knowing what he was checking for. It was as though he was waiting for a text that said he was dead, that he had finally slipped away and turned to dust. Because maybe that's what he wanted.  
     "Josh?" Brendon's head poked through his white door, his face and voice full of nothing but concern and comfort as his best friend lay almost lifeless beneath his dark grey duvet, "Are you gonna get up today?" He spoke, his voice quiet and soft due to both his lack of drinking and the dead man lying in the bed.  
     "No," Josh grunted bluntly, not moving an inch under the blankets.   
     "Do you want some breakfast?" He asked, inching closer and closer but never leaving the doorway, knowing that Josh likes his space when he's like this.  
     "No," Josh's voice was on auto pilot. Yes, he did want breakfast. He was starving, yet he allowed his brain to say otherwise out of what?  _Fear_?  
     "Too bad," Brendon said sternly and left the room before he could be told otherwise. Soon the entire apartment smelled like syrup and milk, flooding under the door and into Josh's room. Brendon was one of the best cooks, being told multiple times that he should be a chef. He threw those comments away, saying if he did he would probably "get more money from tips than the actual food", so Josh gave up on trying to convince him otherwise.   
     "Right young Joshua," Brendon brought in a plate stacked to the brim with pancakes, two forks, and the bottle of syrup in his hands, sticking his tongue out as he climbed over to Josh without using his hands, "We're going to sit and stuff our faces with pancakes and watch Game Of Thrones because I'm the best best friend on the planet," He smiled as he sat down next to Josh, only dropping the forks on his way.  
     Josh said nothing, just took the plate of pancakes and the bottle of syrup as Brendon reached over and grabbed his laptop from under the bed. It was too expensive for the both of them put together, left over from the one time Brendon accidentally fell into the arms of a sugar daddy, quickly running away and taking some of the gifts with him for himself and Josh. They choose not to talk about that. Despite that being my favourite story to listen to, the shame on Brendon's face and the proud, excitement on Josh's as he used words I didn't think were in his vocabulary to describe the man and his gifts.  
     "Right what are we up to?" He asked as Netflix loaded the account from the  _actual_ owner still logged in, it had been a while since either of them watched it.  
     "Maybe just start from the beginning," He said through his teeth, knowing they would spend two hours finding where they were up to and just ending up starting again anyway because they would easily get confused. This was their thing when either of them was sad, they'd sit and eat shit food, watching good TV and sometimes talking the time away as if their lives didn't revolve around it.  
     "Good idea," He said, setting it to play and sitting back next to his best friend who had already eaten a pancake and was drowning another in the syrup, "Don't use the whole bottle man, geez," Brendon took the bottle off his friend, putting it next to him and making Josh use all the syrup already on the plate before getting more.

     It was half way through episode two, a plate of syrup laying neatly on the floor as to not spill the lake Josh had created, two forks on top, all next to an almost empty bottle of syrup, when there was a knock at the front door. Brendon eyed Josh suspiciously before slowly getting up at the quick, urgent knocking on the door that lead out into nothing really. Josh sat quietly, was this the text he had been waiting for, or something else entirely? Had he ordered something online without himself noticing? Maybe Brendon was expecting something or someone. What if it was a person? He certainly could not deal with another person being around at this point.  
     "Give me a second first," Brendon shut the door behind him, turning to sit on the end of the bed looking directly at Josh with sympathetic eyes, "Josh there's someone here to see you," His voice twisted into a smile, a proud one that made Josh's stomach twist and turn.  
     "Who?" He asked quietly, his voice full of panic and general  _un-readyness_.  
     "Okay, hang on," Brendon run up and away from the door, going outside. He went god knows where as Josh sat there beginning to panic as to who was here to see him, he couldn't think of anyone that would want to see him apart from brendon, and he was already here so it wasn't him. What if they were wanting him for something bad? These thoughts crept in behind is eyes as Brendon came back in and gave him two small pills and a glass of water that ended up next to the lake of syrup. Josh couldn't help but laugh as he put it down, thinking of how every time he did that and every time Brendon got frustrated but in a good way.   
     "Okay, I'm ready," He said quickly, tangling his fingers together in his lap and sticking his tongue out to show brendon he swallowed all two of the pills. He seemed satisfied before going over to the door quickly, the brightest smile on his face as he looked at his boy one more time before leaving the room once again, this time saying something along the lines of "he's all yours" as he went to (probably) sit on the couch.  
     Josh  looked down at his fingers, tapping them against each other as whoever it was shuffled their way into his room, only when the sound of wood echoed through the room did he look up. A tall, way too thin boy stood before him, a thin black shirt covering his torso but not hiding his physique very well. You could see his ribs sticking out even through the shirt and Josh internally noted to feed him everything he had before he forgot. But he did, because he got too focused on the small ukulele in his hands that had knocked against the foot of his bed and made him noticeable.  
     "Um, sorry it's been so long," Tyler spoke quietly, his voice quiet and broken, as if he had done nothing but scream for the past two days straight. His eyes dropped halfway down his, dark circles emphasizing said detail.  
     "It's fine," Josh spoke gently, trying not to scare away the small boy he had been waiting for for so long, "Where'd you go?"  
     "Home," He chuckled slightly and sat down on the bed, far from Josh but still closer than before, "I went and saw my mum and siblings."  
     "Cool," Josh said and looked back down at his hands, thinking of whether or not he could go see his own siblings. He wanted to with every fiber of his being, but didn't know if they wanted to see him.  
     "I made you something," Tyler smiled, holding the uke to his chest and pressing his middle finger on the third fret of the bottom string, strumming out a C chord, then a G, his fingers moving nimbly around the neck. The G turned into an Am, then back before an F and back to the start.  
     Josh had heard Tyler sing plenty of times before, at the concert and just around the house, but this was different. He felt at peace. He didn't feel so alone anymore, like there was another like him. It reminded him of when he used to not to the English homework but neither did Brendon.  
      _I do not know, why I would go,_  
     In front of you, and hide my soul,  
     Josh listened with his eyes, watching as he fell for this small frail boy with a ukulele and too many thoughts. Josh wanted nothing more than to make him happy, completely content with giving him his dignity and letting his smash it to pieces if it would make him happy. He was reminded of his siblings, how he was willing to do anything for them to get out of the house but failing as he sat on the curb living out of a backpack. His thoughts continuously went to his family and he didn't like it, trying as hard as he could to focus on the boy singing his heart out in front of him, the song fading into slow, single strummed chords before smiling and looking up at him.  
     "Thank you Ty," Josh said, focusing on trying not to let a single tear drip down his cheek but failing miserably as it landed in between his fingers.  
     Tyler set his ukulele down on the bed, out of the way as he sat forward, almost crawling towards his new found love. He could feel his breath hitting Josh now, rebounding as he looked all over his face, taking in the bright pink hair that was turning brown at the roots, only slightly, "Would you mind if I kissed you?" He asked gently, his voice dripping and reminding Josh of the lake of syrup on the floor. All it took was Josh's head tilting up and down slightly for Tyler to lean forward as fast as possible and press his lips to Josh's. There it was again, that feeling of peace and serenity Josh had felt listening to Tyler sing. All his problems melting away and becoming nothing but dust beneath him, anything he had been thinking about falling away in the wind, leaving behind thoughts of Tyler that had grown roots in his skull because that's all he could think of anymore. Tyler.   
     I've always loved hearing about this part the best, yet I don't know why. Maybe because I always pictured Tyler being the one needing comfort and Josh kissing him because it's all he could think of doing, but no. It get's me every time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't even know who the narrator is at this point. I'm too busy being sad to figure out who it is.


End file.
